Panadeine Forte e Molto Forte

I went to a buck’s party the other day which involved weird sports-type activities. Mostly of the scavenger hunt variety, but we were also assigned colours to go with our teams. Each team got a balloon in their colour and were told to defend it because if it got popped, it would cost us points.

Of course, this led to people running after each other trying to pop each other’s balloons. Some with scissors, thus breaking the immortal rule about …well… running with scissors.

I ended up plucking my team’s balloon from the hands of my friend Simon when I saw him disappearing under the arms of two other participants. I took that yellow ballon (we dubbed our team ‘the cowards’) and I ran like hell. I weaved across roads and back again and around trees and felt that I was making some headway when  I found myself jump-tackled from behind. I managed to land hard onto my fist with my full body weight and as my fist was under my ribs, I completely winded myself.

The rest of the day was spent in pain, mostly in my wrist. I was genuinely really worried I had maybe strained it. The next day I found that, luckily, my wrist was completely fine. However, I couldn’t breathe properly. The doctor told me I probably fractured a rib so I got x-rays and discovered that I ‘merely’ had severe muscle damage.

This has led to me being prescribed Panadeine Forte, a mixture of paracetamol and codeine. The first couple of days the tablets allowed me to stand and sit without yelling out in pain. Today I took my tablets in the morning and found myself floating in a sea of half-imagined thoughts with a mouth full of cotton wool. It has been very hard to construct thoughts, but at the same time it means that I can’t risk driving so have actually been able to rest my injuries. Yesterday the pain spread to my left arm somehow, probably because I drive a manual and so had to put extra stress on that arm every time I changed gear to avoid stressing the chest muscles.

So please excuse this entry not being very funny or well – written… my mind isn’t cooperating with my cognitive anything. I feel a little like I stayed up for two days then smoked a joint. And got someone to hit me in the head with a rubber hammer. All I want right now is choc-mint ice cream. I think everything is related. In other news, still no contract offer for my book! I’ll give it three more weeks…

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